Psychologically Speaking
by Claudia Trinklein-Engman, Counselor

When I facilitate groups at schools, I often give each child a mirror and ask them to name one thing that they like about what they see. It never ceases to amaze me how many children have such a difficult time acknowledging what they appreciate about themselves, in a group setting or in private with me. It is an important concept for all of us, but for a child, positive self-regard is a necessary attribute that leads to individual confidence: confidence to make new friends, to try new academic challenges, to recover from mistakes made, and to grow into a pre-teen with the courage to sometimes stand apart from the group.

A fun activity for families to do at home is to all make self-portraits. Yes, mom and dad, you need to do it too! It's fun and important modeling to let your child know that you can and do like yourself as well. After completion, have each person list several traits that he or she appreciates about him or herself. Model how traits may not just be physical. Liking the fact that someone is kind or a good listener allows a child to begin understanding that internal strengths are as important as external ones. Then go around the group, as I do, and ask group members to add things that they like about the person who has drawn the portrait. I hang the portraits up in my room and tell all the kids that they can add things to their lists at any time, either for themselves or for someone else.

As a family, you in a perfect position to collect data that could be added. When your child admits to a mistake, learns something new, or is kind to an older person, add it to the list. Last week after completing a portrait, one third grader looked at me and said: "I can be proud of myself now. I have a lot of good stuff about me that I never knew I had." That's pretty awesome in my book!